


The Heart Knows But Can't Explain

by PhiraLovesLoki



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, First Time, M/M, Questioning, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2018-11-14 12:05:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11207715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhiraLovesLoki/pseuds/PhiraLovesLoki
Summary: From the first moment that David Nolan stepped into his life, Killian Jones hasn’t been sure how he feels about him. Or what it means about his own identity.(Part 1 rated T, part 2 rated E, part 3 rated G)





	1. The Heart Knows But Can't Explain (T)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Inaccessible Rail (strangetales)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangetales/gifts).



> Happy birthday to @hencethebravery! You are an incredible human being and deserve only good and lovely things. It's been grand joining you in the Captain Charming trash bin.
> 
> Dear reader: This is romantic Captain Charming. If that is not your cup of tea, that's okay! You are not required to read it. This chapter is rated T.

Guys night was a time-honored tradition that Killian had always clung to. Boston wasn’t a large city, but it was easy for him to feel lost and alone somehow. What had begun as a quick drink every month or so with his coworker had become a night out or in every other week with four men who had become his closest friends. It was a crucial anchor that kept him from floating adrift in loneliness that no number of one-night stands could ease.

Tonight they were at Jeff’s place to watch basketball. Killian privately thought the sport was absurd, but not enough that he would cancel his plans. Besides, Graham had just gotten back from Vermont with some Heady Topper, and if the man was willing to share it, Killian wouldn’t miss out on the opportunity.

When he arrived at Jeff’s, he was surprised to find not three men watching the game, but four.

“Oh, Killian,” Kris said. “This is my friend David.” The stranger waved from his spot on the couch. “He’s visiting for the week.”

“Nice to meet you, mate.” There was no explicit rule against inviting others to guys night, but all the same, in the year they’d been doing it, it had never happened.

It was uncomfortable, having an outsider join them, but Killian couldn’t quite explain why. David was perfectly respectable; he laughed at everyone’s jokes, told a few of his own, and had even brought additional beer with him. He wasn’t loud or obnoxious during the game, but neither was he too absorbed in it.

The evening left Killian feeling unsettled in a way he couldn’t explain. He wondered why he was so relieved that David was simply visiting and was not a Bostonian himself.

* * *

And then David Nolan, DVM, who had been visiting the city to interview for a position at an animal hospital, accepted said job and became a Bostonian. Killian learned of this development when he received a call from Kris. “Hey, Arthur’s moving out, right?”

“Aye, September first, the poor bloke.”

“Have you found a new roommate yet?”

“I’m in the middle of writing the Craig’s List ad.”

“You might not need to.”

* * *

David was the perfect flatmate. He cleaned up after himself, he was easy to split bills and groceries with, and he never brought anyone home unannounced. He happily watched football ( _real_  football), he’d go out of his way to pick up Killian’s favorite beer, and he even fixed the bathroom door, which had been sticking in its frame since before Killian had moved in two years ago.

By all accounts, David should have been a seamless addition to guys night. And on the surface, he _was._  Within half a year, it was as though he’d _always_  been there, a member of the crew.

But instead of Killian feeling as though David were intruding on guys night, it felt like guys night was intruding instead.

* * *

The brush of arms. A hand lingering on a shoulder. A knowing glance and a wink from across the room at guys night. The strange sensation in his stomach when he’d arrive home to the scent of his favorite meal.

An unnamable, unpleasant feeling when David returned from a date with a smile on his face, smelling of sweet perfume.

* * *

 

It had been a thoroughly awful day. One of those days where nothing went right, and even though on the grand scale, nothing catastrophic occurred, the end result was still intense frustration and melancholy. Killian sighed and flopped down on the couch beside David, who was watching baseball.

“Need a beer?”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“That’s not a no.”

“Perceptive, you are.” David stood. “What--mate, I can get my own beer.”

“No, I’ll get it. I wanted one anyway.” Killian sighed: perfect flatmate.

They drank in silence for a while, until the game ended and the analysis began. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Just a bad day.”

“Mills ride your ass again?”

He sighed. “Aye. Her damn daughter dropped the ball on our project, and I thought I’d covered for it well enough. Apparently not.”

“Your job’s not--”

“No, no, I’ve nothing to worry about. They’d tank without me, and Mills knows it. She just can’t resist humiliating me when the opportunity arises. I thought I was used to it by now, but apparently not.”

“Hey, that’s not your fault.” David placed a hand on his shoulder reassuringly, and Killian did his best to avoid reading into the gesture. “Killian, you’re great at your job, and what she’s doing isn’t really fair to do to a good employee. It’s not normal and you shouldn’t get used to it.”

“So I should just be miserable?”

“Or find another job.”

He snorted. “Easier said than done.”

“Okay, that’s fair. I’ve got a solution.”

“And what’s that?”

“It’s Friday night, I’ve got tomorrow off, and there’s plenty of beer in the fridge.”

“Well, at least let me get up this time.”

“Nah, I got it.”

Killian sighed. “You’re too good to me, mate.”

David returned, two beers in each hand. “You think I’d be this nice to someone I disliked?”

Killian shrugged and grabbed a bottle.

* * *

The conversation turned from Killian’s bad day to former jobs, which wound its way to David’s work study position in college, and then talk of university in general. The alcohol buzzing through his system felt good, enough that he could relax and stop thinking about David’s close proximity every moment.

And it was quite a close proximity--perhaps he _couldn’t_  stop thinking about it--with their knees nearly touching.

He had to remind himself to lean back as David continued his story of the first time he’d gotten high.

“So _then_  Victor suggested spin the bottle, right?”

Killian laughed. “That’s a special brand of desperation.”

“Which we _all_  knew. I mean, even Ruby was surprised. Like, if he was so interested, why didn’t he take the hint?

“And instead suggest a game where he might end up kissing someone else, or seeing _her_  kiss someone else.”

“Exactly,” David said. “But like, of _course_  we’re all stoned as hell, so whatever, sounds like a good idea. I mean, you know, bunch of nineteen year olds who are hard up as hell, getting high for the first time and feeling pretty loose. So why _not_  make out with each other?”

"And if there’s any awkwardness, blame it on the weed.”

“Right, like, this way, he could kiss her and if she was weird about it the next day, then whatever, we were stoned, but if she was into it then yeah, totally meant to kiss you, let’s fuck.”

“So what happened?”

“Well, first few spins, we were still kind of feeling awkward about it, so lots of cheek kisses and shit. And then _finally_  Ruby spins and it lands on him, and so she goes for something more normal. But like, she can’t go all in.”

“Because it’s too obvious, and she thinks he’s not into her anyway.”

“Right. But then people start kissing on the mouth, and the weed kicks in more, and before you know it, people are getting really handsy. Next thing you know, I’m making out with Victor and Ruby’s with some chick named Belle with a hand up her skirt.”

Killian’s jaw dropped.

“I know,” David said, shaking his head. “So like, Victor had this whole elaborate set-up to get together with Ruby, and it leads to her meeting someone else. Like, she even married her a few years ago.”

He cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah, that’s surprising.”

"Anyway, wild night for us. Probably my weirdest night in college--well, except for that time we climbed onto the library roof ...”

* * *

Killian couldn’t stop thinking about it.

David Nolan, passionately kissing another man. Running his hands along his body, or caressing his face, or wrapping his arms around him.

Living with David meant knowing him quite well. And so Killian knew the scent of the man’s cologne, what the heat of his body felt like when they were in close proximity, the weight of his hand on his shoulder, and the feeling of his thumb sweeping reassuringly.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it.

* * *

“Good morning, little brother.”

Killian let the endearment slide off him. “Afternoon, Liam.”

“Something wrong? You all right there?”

“I’m fine, as always. How was Paris?”

Liam sighed. “It was fine, honestly, it was fine. But it’s good to be home.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You know I can tell.”

“As can I, and yet you’re pretending you’re fine.”

Killian sighed. “You first at least.”

“It’s nothing serious,” Liam explained. “Just that, you know Elsa and I would like to start trying.”

“Right, you mentioned."

“But with all this travel, she’s just concerned that it’s not going to stop once she’s pregnant, and then _afterwards_  either.”

“Mm.”

“So it’s just a matter of figuring out how to talk to Silver about it. We’re just both of us afraid that he knows I need this job too much to leave if he says no.”

“Certainly he wouldn’t fire you.”

“No, I don’t think so. Besides, nothing ventured, and so on.”

“Fair enough.”

“And you?”

How to even broach the subject, when he himself couldn’t articulate the matter?

“Killian?”

“Sorry.” He cleared his throat. “Honestly, Liam, if I could put it into words, I would.”

“Ah,” Liam said knowingly. “I know what it is.”

Killian’s heart leapt into his throat. How could he possibly know? Was he that transparent? “You do?”

“Of course I do,” Liam said smugly. “The travel obviously has me out of sorts if I didn’t recognize your tone immediately, as I should have.”

“My tone?”

“Yes. Look, Killian, I remember how it was when I first fell for Elsa.” Bloody hell, how did Liam know? “It was so confusing, since she was such a close friend. You remember, don’t you? How afraid I was that I was just confused, that I must only love her as a friend, and so on?”

"I do.”

“So you _also_  remember the advice you gave me, don’t you?”

“Vaguely.”

Liam’s sigh was loud enough that it sounded like he was blowing into the microphone. “You told me that when you just love someone as a friend, you _don’t_  have those sorts of feelings. And then you encouraged me to go for it.”

But it was so much more complicated than that. Didn’t Liam realize it?

“So I’m going to encourage _you_  to go for it,” Liam continued. “Tell this woman how you feel. If your situation is anything like mine was, then I guarantee you she’s worth the risk.”

This _woman. She._

“Liam, I appreciate the advice,” he said quickly. “But I think you’re reading into my tone too much.”

Liam snorted. “And you listened to my sage advice anyway because, what, you love listening to the sound of my voice?”

“It’s been a while since we’ve spoken, brother, I’ve obviously missed you.”

“So what is it then, if I’m so far off the mark?”

“It’s a work thing,” Killian lied. “And it’s extremely complicated.”

And he let his brother drone on with more advice until the call ended.

* * *

Killian understood, intellectually, what _bisexual_  meant, that a person could experience romantic and sexual attraction to men and women. He also understood that orientation was not related to experience; certainly, he’d known he wanted to kiss girls well before he actually had. And he knew that a person didn’t have to experience the same levels of attraction to both sexes to still experience attraction to both.

And yet it felt so strange. How could a thirty-year-old man lie awake at night wondering if he’d been _wrong_  about his own sexuality?

And it wasn’t as though he was salivating at every man he saw. There was no one at the gym who struck his fancy, and after opening an incognito window to see what gay pornography was like, he felt _more_  than convinced that he harbored nothing but platonic feelings for his roommate.

Until three days later, when David returned from his veterinary conference, and flashed a brilliant smile his way. And then Killian was back to square one.

* * *

Killian wasn’t surprised to return home to find David on the couch, watching television. “How was your evening, mate?” He tossed his keys on the counter and wandered into the kitchen for a beer.

“Fine,” David replied. “How was your date?”

It was a question Killian had been expecting, and he already had his prepared answer: _It was fine, she was lovely, might see her again._  It _had_  been fine, she _had_  been lovely, and yet like the other three or four women he’d gone out with over the past couple of months, she had done nothing to get his mind off the man sitting on the couch.

But there was something in David’s voice that stopped him before he could answer, or even before he could grab a beer from the fridge. He stepped back into the living room. “Something wrong, Dave?”

He should have known something was wrong immediately. Not all of the lights were on, there was a glass of whiskey on the coffee table instead of a bottle of beer, and the telly was showing an old sitcom rerun. If that hadn’t been confirmation enough, just looking at his flatmate’s face did the trick.

“It’s nothing,” David said, crossing his arms.

“I doubt that.” He sat down beside him. “Mate, you’re watching _Full House.”_

He sighed. “Just a rough day at work. I had a client who wouldn’t make a decision about his dog. Like, I know how hard it is to say goodbye--I really do, it’s why I haven’t had a pet since Wilby. But this poor girl was suffering so much, and he kept asking me for more options.”

“I’m so sorry.” He’d heard plenty of these sorts of stories from David before, but he knew it never got easier.

“And then this other client was upset because she was convinced I did her cat’s surgery wrong, and she actually insisted on getting a second opinion from my boss.”

“Bloody hell, how did he handle it?”

“He _says_  he backed me up, but he still prescribed antibiotics even though the cat is _fine._ And the client made a comment about how she appreciated getting the opinion of a more _experienced_  doctor.”

Killian scoffed. “That’s such a load of bullocks when you’re easily the most talented vet in the practice.”

David was quiet, and Killian could see the unique tension of his body that indicated he was considering reaching for his glass of whiskey before thinking better of it. “Killian, I’m thirty years old. I’ve known since I was five that I wanted to be a vet. Now I’m up to my ears in debt from eight years of school, I nearly fucking killed myself during my internship working eighty-hour weeks on shit pay. I did it all so I could get to this point in my life. And then I just--”

“David,” he said firmly. “It’s not you. You are a phenomenal vet. I just wish that the job weren’t so thankless. Here you are, pouring yourself into keeping these people’s beloved pets alive and healthy, and they treat you as though you’re in this for the financials.”

“It’s not going to change,” David said. “They’ll think I’m inexperienced until I’m older, and then they’ll think I’m doddering and old-fashioned.”

“And they’ll always be wrong,” Killian said. “And they will be _wrong_  but also _happy_  because you’ll still make sure that Rover and Mittens and ... Squawky live long, wonderful lives.”

“Squawky?”

“What do people name birds?”

“I don’t know, man, we don’t have an exotics vet.”

Killian had hoped for a chuckle of some kind, but he’d still failed to lift David’s spirits. “Look, mate. Whatever happens, you’ve become one of my dearest friends. I know we all have our bad days when it comes to our careers, and it pains me to see you so unhappy. Whatever you decide to do, I’m with you. But I know what you’re going to do.”

“And what’s that?”

“You’re going to drink with me tonight, and we’ll forget all about your shitty clients, and then tomorrow, we’ll watch the game and then you can hand my ass to me in Call of Duty. And then Monday, we’re both going to go to work and you are going to save every damn animal that comes through the door because you’re a bloody hero and that’s what heroes do.”

Now he got a chuckle, and he smiled. He’d been the one to make that happen. And while he knew that the depth of his satisfaction would mean another sleepless night, as he wondered what it must mean that he took such pride in making David Nolan smile, for the moment, he just wanted to enjoy it.

“You think you know exactly what I’m gonna do?” David asked.

“I just said.”

“I’ve become _that_  predictable?”

“Sorry, mate, but yes.”

David reached up and put a hand on his shoulder. “You’re a good friend,” he said. “Probably too good.”

Killian’s face heated up, and he shook his head. Good friends did not have the sort of thoughts he had.

And then the hand moved to his cheek.

And then around to the back of his head.

David’s lips were soft, much softer than Killian had expected. Soft enough that he almost laughed, that the very first thought he had in this moment was that David’s lips were softer than tonight’s failed date’s had been.

But then his mind registered that David was kissing him, after months and months of him wondering what it would be like to experience this.

To feel his lips on his. His arms around him.

To feel at home.

* * *

It was nearing one o’clock in the morning, and Killian was laying in David’s arms as they watched yet another sitcom rerun. His heart wouldn’t stop racing, given the situation.

“How long?” David finally asked.

“I don’t know,” Killian admitted. “I think from the moment I saw you. I just didn’t understand.”

“I knew the moment I saw you, too,” David replied. “I just was sure you were straight.”

“I was sure, too.” He felt David’s body stiffen. “I mean, clearly I was wrong, given how long I’ve been thinking about this.”

“I’ve been thinking about it, too,” David replied, body relaxing. His hand drifted up and down Killian’s arm. “Look, this isn’t me accusing you of experimenting or anything, but ...” He sighed. “Just tell me I’m not gonna wake up tomorrow and find you pretending that nothing happened.”

Killian sat up and turned to face him. “I won’t lie and say that I’ve no anxieties about this. I know that if this ... if this is something, it means more than simply a few make-out sessions on the couch. But Dave, I ...” He swallowed nervously. “I do want this.”

David nodded. “I do, too.” And then his arms were around him, and Killian breathed in deeply.

* * *

Killian woke up the next morning alone in his bed, and it took a few minutes for the previous evening to come rushing back to him.

The conversation. The pep talk. The slow, long first kiss. The second kiss. The third. Falling asleep together, in this very bed, in each other’s arms.

It hadn’t just been confused thoughts, platonic feelings that were simply more intense than he’d expected. He had very much truly fallen in love with David Nolan.

 _Bisexual._  Well, if the shoe fit, he supposed.

The sound and scent of cooking in the kitchen roused him. Clad only in his shorts, he wandered into the common area of the flat.

David was finishing off a stack of pancakes, and he glanced at Killian almost sheepishly. “Uh, good morning. I made enough for both of us.”

David cooking breakfast on Sunday was a common enough occurrence that Killian recognized the tack for what it was: an opportunity for Killian to do just as David admitted he feared.

That he would wake up, panic, and pretend that nothing had happened.

He ignored the food, instead pulling David into his embrace, and kissing him fiercely. David responded in kind, and Killian grinned with satisfaction as he heard the sound of the spatula hitting the floor.

He also very much enjoyed the dazed expression on David’s face when he pulled away. “Good morning, love.”

This time, the satisfaction he felt at bringing a smile to that face was something that only brought him pride.


	2. First Times (E)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian’s first sexual experiences with women were often subpar; what will happen if his first with a man is as well?
> 
> (This part is rated E)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was meant to be a one-shot, but then it turned out it wasn't. Well then!
> 
> This chapter is explicit. If you do not like smut, or you are not interested in reading Captain Charming sex, I advise you to read something else instead and we'll all be very happy. If you ARE interested in Captain Charming sex, good news, keep reading.

Killian recalled the first time he’d ever gone down on a woman.

He’d been in college, nineteen and desperate, tired of feeling like he was the only lad who’d never so much as touched a woman’s privates. He’d been seeing someone casually, but given his complete lack of sexual experience, it felt almost rude to try to bed her when he would certainly fail to pleasure her.

And then one evening, at a particularly wild party, he went upstairs with a stranger and came back downstairs a little wiser than before.

Since then, he’d become quite adept at playing women’s bodies like musical instruments, the press of his fingers and the flicks of his tongue carefully practiced to the point that it was second nature. Not that he didn’t enjoy himself, of course, but that he no longer had to think hard about what he was doing. He could just listen to cries of pleasure and grin as he made his partner come.

But that had been later. It was that very first time that he found himself thinking of.

Like many young men, he’d known what women’s genitals looked like, thanks to the ubiquity and accessibility of pornography. But images and videos did nothing to prepare him for the scent, the wetness, the taste. And just understanding, intellectually, that he should lean in and lick somehow did not make it easier to get started. She’d sensed his hesitation, and he’d apologized clumsily before giving it a try.

He had not been very good, and she had not enjoyed it very much.

Neither had he. It was humiliating, having a beautiful woman drag him to bed, expecting that he would provide her with at least a passable orgasm, only to have him fail miserably. And he was ashamed at himself for not taking more pleasure in the act itself. He was raised to be a gentleman, not a selfish cad; shouldn’t he have liked it more? Been more appreciative and awed by the sight in front of him? Gotten lust-drunk by the taste of her?

It had only been a stubborn refusal to turn into a selfish lover that had driven him to try again and again, until he’d earned himself a reputation for expertise, and a woman’s arousal was his second favorite flavor, behind a good scotch whiskey.

But that first time, and many times afterwards until he finally got the hang of it, he had not liked going down on a woman. And that had been after  _ years _ of finding women appealing, of knowing he was sexually attracted to women, of kissing and heavy petting that had him entirely aroused and ready for more.

“We don’t have to, you know,” David said, rubbing his arm affectionately.

“What?”

“Have sex.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You were thinking loud enough.”

If going down on a woman for the first time had been such a let down for both himself and his partner, what was going to happen if he tried to go down on David? If it had taken him significant time before he could enjoy going down on a woman, how long would it take to enjoy going down on a man?

So far, he and David had done very little physically. They were both a little shy regarding the whole situation, given that Killian was still getting used to the entire concept of being in love with a man, and David was understandably anxious about scaring him off. And so besides passionately kissing and cuddling while fully clothed, they hadn’t done much of anything.

Not that Killian hadn’t been thinking about it. He’d felt David’s erection pressing against him often enough, and over the past month, he’d been less and less apologetic about it as Killian had repeatedly insisted he didn’t mind.

Which, he could admit to himself a little shamefully, hadn’t  _ exactly _ been true at the start. The first time had been almost alarming when he’d realized what was happening, and he’d been relieved when David had shifted away enough to reduce that point of contact. But as it had happened more and more frequently, Killian had gotten used to it.

And he  _ would _ get used to  _ sex, _ wouldn’t he?

He’d wanted it for so long, both consciously and not. And yet here he was, sitting on the couch with the man he was so very much in love with, almost shaking with nerves because of what they were about to do together.

And it wasn’t even as though they were going to engage in penetrative sex. David had experience with it, but hadn’t enjoyed receiving it and didn’t enjoy performing it enough to care if he ever did again. He’d explained that a healthy sex life didn’t have to involve any of that; it just meant making each other feel good. Which is what they were going to do tonight.

They were just going to get naked and touch each other, and David had offered to go down on him. And incredible, caring, sincere person that he was, it was clear that he did not expect reciprocation.

But for how long? How long would David be satisfied with such an arrangement?

He wouldn’t be forever, Killian knew. Especially given the fear he’d stated on their very first night, that Killian was simply testing the waters. And while he knew he didn’t need to prove himself, and that the desire to prove his feelings were a poor justification for sex, that didn’t change the fact that they would need to have sex at some point.

He  _ did _ want to. He’d been jerking off in the shower nearly constantly since they’d begun their relationship; he’d have done so in his own bed at night, but from the start, they’d slept in each other’s arms almost every night. The thought of David’s hands running up and down his own naked body, of David pressing against him and making him feel alive, of David taking him in his mouth—he wanted it. All of it.

But he felt like a virgin again, and it was just so much more profound this time. Looking back, his previous inexperience had absolutely been a product of his age; while he was sure everyone around him was getting lucky on the regular, he now knew just how many of his friends—male  _ and _ female—had been in their twenties before they’d done more than kiss another person (and some of them had waited that long  _ for _ their first kiss).

To feel this way at the age of thirty had him beyond embarrassed.

And furthermore, while he had no regrets thus far, there was a nagging fear that he would gaze upon David’s body and realize immediately that he’d been wrong about his feelings and attraction. That this had all just been a confusing crush, and David had been right to worry that he’d been dealing with a straight man after all.

He didn’t think it was just a crush, at least not on his end. What he felt for David was stronger than anything he’d felt for anyone before. Voicing those feelings was proving difficult, given that he wasn’t sure how David himself felt. He suspected, but … bloody hell, what if he was wrong? About both of them?

“We can try tomorrow night,” David said.

“No, it’s fine.”

“Killian, I don’t want to do this with someone who doesn’t want to.”

“I—it’s complicated, all right?”

David sighed. “So  _ tell _ me.  _ Talk _ to me.” He paused the movie they’d been watching and shifted so they could face each other.

Killian swallowed hard; David’s face was so open, so hopeful, so understanding. Why was this so difficult to talk about?

“Killian?”

“What—what was your first time like?” he finally asked.

“Like, my  _ first _ first time?”

“With another man.”

“Oh, well, it was a little weird,” he admitted. He laughed. “And not very good, actually. He wanted to just rub our cocks together, which sounded great in theory but was  _ really _ not that great without lube.”

“But it was strange?”

“A little. I was kind of drunk, which helped. But I’d known I was bi for a while and was excited to finally hook up with another guy.” He frowned. “You’re not thinking of getting drunk first, are you?”

“No,” Killian said firmly. It was technically a lie; he  _ had _ considered having a drink beforehand, to relax a little. But he’d nixed the idea after a great deal of thought. There was no worse way to make David question his feelings than to have to get drunk in order to have sex.

“Killian.” He reached out and wrapped his arms around him. “You’re overthinking this. I want you to feel ready, okay?”

“I  _ think _ I am,” he replied. It was getting difficult to focus as David’s scent filled his nostrils, and he melted a little in his embrace. “I just—I just worry.”

_ That I’m wrong about who I am and what I want. That I’ll never be able to lose myself in pleasuring you. That you’ll have to choose between me and sex. _

“I have an idea, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Let me make you feel good. Let me take care of you.”

He shook his head. No, this was the  _ last _ thing he wanted, for things to be so one-sided. “David—”

“No, I mean it.” He pulled away. “You’re nervous. You’ve never been with a guy before, so it’ll take some getting used to. So let me help you.”

“I won’t be selfish, love. I won’t be.”

“It’s not selfish,” David said firmly. He leaned back in, pressing his lips to the spot behind his ear. Killian’s eyes fell shut almost automatically at the sensation. “I hear you get off in the shower,” he said softly. “I want to be the reason you make those sounds.”

He was helpless to resist now as David led him to his bedroom.

They undressed slowly, each removing the other’s shirt, but when Killian’s shaking hands reached for David’s fly, David stopped him. “One step at a time,” he said, before reaching for Killian’s own jeans.

Killian had been naked in front of other men before, given that it was a fact of life at the gym. But this was different; he was hard as hell, and David wasn’t going to be politely averting his gaze.

But his expression was anything but a turn-off. Not that Killian had doubted David’s feelings for him since the night of their first kiss, but to actually see the desire on his face as he stared was powerful. Killian felt his trepidation evaporate.

Mostly.

He closed his eyes as he lay back on the bed. It wouldn’t be any different from a woman. Except it would be  _ better, _ because he loved David. The person he loved was going to touch him. Make him feel good.

“God, I can’t wait to make you come.”

Killian groaned, and David wasn’t even touching him yet. Maybe this would be okay.

His heart pounded as David crawled on top of him; he could feel that he’d undressed down to his shorts, the press of his erection even more apparent. But his nerves were soothed by the familiarity of David’s lips on his, and then against his neck. Bloody hell, did that always feel incredible.

And then lips and hands moved down. He tensed. “Relax,” David whispered against his navel. “Just relax, Killian.”

He tried. He tried to revel in the feeling of David’s hands caressing his arms, kneading at his hips, brushing against his nipples. He tried to enjoy the sensation of David’s lips and tongue as they traced a path back up and then down his chest.

“I love you, Killian.” Oh god. Oh god, he’d said it; Killian wanted to cry. He loved him. “Let me show you.”

And then his mouth was on him.

Killian recalled, just for a split second, the first time he’d received a blowjob.

It had been bestowed upon him by that same girl he’d dated casually, back when he was in college. He’d lasted a couple of weeks after the encounter at the party before he became determined to try oral sex again, and he’d found the courage to tell the lass that he wanted to go down on her. She’d been excited about it, and to his delight, offered to return the favor.

It had been another incredibly awkward night, thanks to the bad luck he had, performing first. After several uncomfortable minutes of him trying to figure out how on earth to make her feel good, and her finally saying, “It’s okay, you can stop,” she pretty reluctantly reciprocated. He’d insisted it wasn’t necessary, didn’t want a partner who wasn’t enthusiastic, but she’d insisted right back.

At the very least, he’d been almost relieved that the blowjob had been mediocre, a fitting punishment for his own lackluster performance. While it hadn’t felt  _ bad, _ her teeth scraped against him unpleasantly, she barely used her tongue at all, and for some reason, she kept her hands at her sides. Her jaw had gotten sore quickly, well before he was even close, and he went home that night to jack off in his own bed. He saw her again a few times on campus, but never spoke to her again.

Since then, just as his oral skills had vastly improved, so had the quality of the oral sex he’d received. He’d had blowjobs so intense that he’d nearly injured his lover due to his uncontrollable writhing.

None of them compared to this.

He cried out and bucked his hips. He had to grip _something,_ _anything,_ to keep himself here on Earth. David’s hands, his lips, his tongue—the neighbors could _surely_ hear him as he gasped, moaned, begged. His body was electrified with pleasure, and while he could feel David’s smirk around his cock, he didn’t care; it was well-earned.

Sex was always better, everyone said, with someone you loved. He’d always considered it a tired platitude. He’d been wrong. And he’d never been happier to be wrong.

As his mind adjusted, learned to cope with the pleasure washing through it, he realized that David was drawing things out. He was slowing down here and there, using his hands more or less, or gripping his thighs instead. The man clearly knew what he was doing, and for a brief moment, Killian remembered that  _ he _ had no idea how to reciprocate properly.

And then David picked up the pace, and all Killian could remember was love and pleasure. He cried out David’s name as he came.

It took effort to release the sheets he was gripping as the last waves of climax faded. “Bloody fucking hell.”

David chuckled. “I’d ask how that was, but I’m pretty sure I know.”

“I’m pretty sure the whole building knows.” He blushed as he realized that that might be an issue. When he’d been in the throes of passion, it had been an arousing thought, that David could make him feel so incredible that it was impossible for him to be quiet. But what if the neighbors complained to management about the loud sex coming from their apartment? Or worse, what if they happened to have a problem with  _ who _ was having sex?

“Relax,” David said, and now Killian found it was easy to. Whether it was because his body was blissed out, or because he’d finally gone ahead and had sex with David, he wasn’t sure. “Hearing you was worth whatever trouble might come our way, and I honestly doubt anyone’s gonna say anything anyway.”

“I hope not.”

David pulled himself up so he could lie beside him. “Thank you for letting me do that,” he said, before pressing a kiss to his lips.

“It was incredible.”

“For me, too.” That much was obvious, judging from the erection pressing against his thigh.

David loved him. And he loved him back. And he  _ damn _ well intended to make that clear.

“What are you doing?” David asked as Killian began to stroke him through his shorts.

“What do you  _ think _ I’m doing?”

He brushed his hand away gently. “Killian, tonight was about me taking care of  _ you.” _

“No. Tonight was  _ supposed _ to be about us having sex. And it seems as though one of us is still unsatisfied.”

“I want you to be ready.”

“I am.”

He was. Because he remembered with clarity every single first time, not just his first times giving and receiving oral sex, but his first kiss, his first time being naked with a lover, his first time having sex. There was always the same level of anxiety, of trepidation, that came with trying something so new. And so until he gave in to it, until he tried it, the feeling would never fade. And it had nothing to do with the activity or the partner.

In fact, the partner made it easier.

David loved him. If Killian Jones’ first blowjob was subpar, that would be okay, because he would get another chance. And another. And another, until he could do to David what David had just done to him.

When he returned his hand to David’s cock, there were no more attempts at resistance. David instead sighed and leaned back more, hands falling to his sides. Good.

If anything, Killian realized, this wasn’t actually as strange as touching a woman for the first time had been. He knew what his own cock felt like, after all; it was almost like touching himself without any sensation from it. He almost laughed at how nervous he’d been, when now it seemed rather mundane, touching another man.

Touching him through fabric; that wouldn’t do. He eagerly tugged at the shorts, and once David lifted his hips, they came right off.

Killian swallowed hard as he took in the sight of David’s bare body. Perhaps he’d gotten a little ahead of himself, thinking that all of his anxiety had faded. But no, it would still fade eventually, and the sight of his beloved in the nude, aroused and ready, would surely become his favorite sight.

And, he told himself firmly, cock would replace cunt as his second favorite thing to have in his mouth. Or David’s cock, at least.

(Nothing would ever top scotch, alas.)

He leaned in and licked at the tip, and David shuddered. Emboldened, he opened his mouth a bit more, and used the flat of his tongue. Not so bad. Not at all. He balanced himself a bit with one hand and reached for the base of David’s cock with his other; the pleased grunt in response was lovely.

“Let me know what to do,” he whispered, before pressing a wet kiss just underneath the head.

_ “That,” _ David whispered. He did it again. “Tongue.” He licked at it, softly and then with more pressure. David reached down to thread his fingers through his hair. “That’s—that’s my favorite spot.”

Killian nodded and continued to work at it, changing the pressure and timing as he did. And then, when he was sure David least expected it, he leaned in more and took the entire head into his mouth. David gasped in response. “Oh god.”

_ Oh god _ indeed.

Pre-cum was a little startling, but Killian quickly cleaned it away with his tongue and swallowed. Perhaps not delicious enough to want to market as a candy flavor, but certainly not as offensive as he’d feared. He would get used to it.

He smiled at the thought, that he’d get used to it. And then he returned to his task.

He had new appreciation for that poor girl in college. At the time, he’d assumed that she’d simply put in no effort as a way of retaliating, but bloody hell, this wasn’t as easy as it always seemed as the recipient. It was difficult to maintain a steady rhythm  _ and _ pressure as he held his jaw open; he’d been at it for mere minutes, and his jaw was beginning to ache a bit. He kept forgetting that he had hands as well, and would have to remind himself to use them. At first, he stuck with one hand on David’s shaft, treating it almost like an extension of his lips, which seemed to go over  _ quite _ well.

David’s hips were bucking by the time Killian had to give up. “I’m sorry,” he said, pulling away, still stroking with his hands. “My jaw—”

“It happens,” David breathed. “Oh god, though, that was amazing.”

“Aye?”

“Aye.” He grinned; he loved that David sometimes picked up on his own linguistic tics. “Just—just give me a second and I can finish.”

Right, David hadn’t come. “No need,” he said, crawling back up next to him. “Do you have lube?”

“Killian.”

“Do you?”

David sighed and stretched a bit. “Nightstand drawer.”

Giving a handjob was easier, and it was erotic to be able to watch David’s face, to hear him so much more clearly, to kiss him as he worked. And only a few short minutes later, David threw his head back and groaned; Killian could feel the familiar sensation of release coating his hand as he continued to stroke him through his climax.

They didn’t speak as they parted ways to clean up, with David heading to the bathroom and Killian pulling on his boxers so he could get to the kitchen sink without scandalizing the neighbors across the way. By the time he returned, David was back on the bed, pajama bottoms on, patting the spot next to him. Killian eagerly climbed next to him and sank into his embrace.

“Was that okay?”

David chuckled. “Yeah, that was  _ more _ than okay. Sure you haven’t done it before?”

Killian snorted. “You don’t need to protect my feelings, love.”

“That was damn good for a first blowjob.”

“It gets easier, yeah?”

David shifted. “Well, I mean, I guess? I was never as unsure as you were.”

“No, no. I mean … actually  _ physically _ doing it. My jaw tired much more quickly than I expected.”

“Oh! Oh yeah, it gets easier. You learn how to mix it up a bit so that doesn’t happen so fast.”

“Good.” But there was still the elephant in the room to address. “I’m  _ very _ glad we did that.”

“Yeah?”

“It was just another first time. There’s no way around the nerves until you just do it.”

“I know what you mean.”

“Quite an excellent first time, if I do say so myself.”

“I’d have to agree with that. At least from my perspective.” He kissed his hair affectionately.

“David?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, too.” His beloved’s body sagged with relief. “And I can’t wait to get even better at showing you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this update! Come join us in the romantic Captain Charming trash bin, we have fun.


	3. Coming Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this wasn't ever meant to be more than a one shot, and now it's a 3-part story. But I couldn't quite let this version of Killian go without seeing him finish his journey. Big thanks to @hencethebravery; I was really struggling with some of the parts of this, and she was an amazing sounding board.
> 
> This is going to be the actual final part; thank for reading!

Killian’s heart was pounding so hard that he could barely hear the sound of the phone ringing. If not for the reassuring squeeze of David’s hand around his own, he would lose his nerve.

But no, it was time to do this. Six months of having to pretend that nothing was happening in his personal life had been long enough. He was bloody tired of it.

Tired of changing the subject whenever someone brought his personal life up. Tired of lying about evening and weekend plans. Tired of sitting on the opposite side of the room from David at Guy’s Night.

He felt sick as he heard the tone indicating that Liam had picked up.

“Good morning, little brother!”

“Hello, Liam.”

“Killian, what’s wrong?”

“Why on earth would you think something’s wrong?”

“Your tone, man, your tone.” He could practically hear Liam shaking his head patronizingly. “I can hear it in your voice.”

“I said two words to you.”

“And you’ve said plenty more since then, confirming my suspicions.”

He sighed. “Liam, nothing’s wrong. I just—I want to tell you something important, and I’m concerned about how you might react to it.”

“You can tell me anything, Killian. You know that.”

He did know. And he hadn’t ever hidden anything from Liam before, not even when he’d had an affair with his professor’s wife back in law school. Of course, Liam had been extraordinarily disapproving of the whole matter, and why wouldn’t he have been? But he’d never even considered keeping it a secret from Liam. Why had this been so different?

“Right, yeah,” he said, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “Right, so, do you recall a conversation we had last year? You were dispensing relationship advice before I could interrupt and tell you that you were off the mark?”

“I think so … yes, I was talking about how confused I’d felt when I’d fallen for Elsa.” Now he could hear his brother grinning. “So I was  _ right! _ There was a woman! Killian, why did you hide this from me?”

David squeezed his hand again, and he met his gaze. “You can do this,” he whispered. “I promise.”

“Well, I suppose that’s the thing,” he said slowly. His mouth was too dry. Much too dry. “You weren’t … quite on the mark. Close, but—”

“What, she wasn’t a friend first? Or was she the one who had feelings for you? I’m—”

“Liam, stop.” He took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m trying to tell you something important, all right?”

“All right, sorry. I’m all ears.”

There wasn’t enough air in the room. “Liam, it wasn’t a woman.”

He was worried for a moment that the line had gone dead, or perhaps even that he had gone deaf from the emotional strain. But then—“But you just said I’d been close to right.”

Oh, of all the—how daft was this man?

“It wasn’t a  _ woman,” _ he repeated.

Silence. And then: “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re …”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s just him, just one person.”

“I see.” He cleared his throat. “Are you sure, then? Because I’ve heard that sometimes—”

“I’m sure.” Bile was beginning to rise in his throat.

“I’m sorry, Killian, but it’s just that you don’t really seem the type,” Liam continued. “And given the number of women—”

“Who cares about the number of women I’ve slept with?”

“Just that I find it hard to believe you’ve, you know … switched teams.”

“I haven’t—I’m still attracted to women.”

“That’s what I mean,” Liam said gently. “If you’re still attracted to women, and it’s just the one … person—Killian, I just want to make sure you don’t do anything rash simply because you’re feeling confused.”

Hot tears were welling up, and David dropped his hand. At first, he thought he was going to leave, to give him privacy to finish what was turning into a disastrous phone call, but instead, he wrapped his arms around him.

This wasn’t right. And it wasn’t fair. “Liam, I was calling you to tell you that I have a bloody  _ boyfriend, _ and we’ve been together for six months. I did not call you to endure a lecture over my sexuality just because you cannot seem to accept the idea that your younger brother isn’t straight.”

There was no reply, and rather than say anything else, or waiting to see what other bullshit Liam might spew, he hung up.

“I’m sorry,” David said, tightening his embrace.

“No,  _ I’m _ sorry.” He tried to steady his breathing. “I’m sorry, love. I handled that terribly.”

“Not true. You handled that as well as you could have.” Killian snorted. “I mean it. You could have just let him lecture you, or you could have … I don’t know,  _ agreed _ with him or something.”

“I could  _ never _ agree with someone telling me I was just confused. Not even to exit a conversation gracefully.”

“I know. Killian, I know.”

“I just—” He swallowed hard. He hadn’t cried in years, and he wasn’t about to now. Not over this. “I just hoped—”

“I did, too.”

“He’s my big brother.”

“I know.”

But the tears came anyway.

It was hours later, as he sat with David and watched television, trying to distract himself from the overwhelming sadness and disappointment he was feeling, that his phone rang.

“Who is it?”

“Liam.”

“This late?”

“Apparently.”

“Are you going to pick up?”

He shrugged. “What more is there to say?”

“It might be an emergency if he’s calling at … I guess it’s midnight?”

He sighed and picked up. “This had better be a bloody emergency,” he said.

“It is,” Liam replied.

He sat up straighter on the couch. “What’s wrong? Is it Elsa?”

“No. It’s that I was a right wanker and wasn’t supportive of my brother when he tried to come out to me.”

Oh bloody hell. “Liam, that is not an emergency.”

“It is to me.” He sighed. “Killian, I’m really sorry. You must have been extremely anxious about telling me, and to say that I reacted poorly would be an understatement.”

“Well, yeah.”

“You’re my brother, and I love you, and I’m glad you’re happy. All right?”

“Yeah, all right.” David rubbed his shoulder affectionately.

“Now,” Liam said, his tone indicating that he considered the whole matter settled. “Tell me about your boyfriend. There’s apparently six months you need to catch me up on.”

“Liam, it’s midnight, I’m sure you need to sleep.”

“Nope. First, I need to know how you met.”

“Liam—”

“Killian.”

His tone brooked no argument, and Killian sighed. But as he sighed, he felt tension flee his body, and he relaxed into David’s embrace. “Well, it was over a year ago …”

* * *

They had debated the merits of various settings, and whether it would be better to be hosting, before deciding that it would be easier to be able to leave if things went south. And so here they were, at Jeff’s place, anxiously drinking beer while Arthur and Graham argued over whose football club was superior.

Finally, Kristoff arrived. “Sorry I’m late, guys.”

“Traffic?” Arthur asked.

“Uh, not really.”

“Anna?” Jeff asked knowingly. Kristoff turned red. “Thought so. Looks like you’re smitten, Kris.”

“You’re just jealous. It’s all right, man.”

Jeff chuckled. “Not all of us bachelors are unhappy being single.” He jerked his head towards David and Killian. “Take Nolan and Jones here, for example.”

Killian felt his face flush. “What about us?”

“He just means that you guys seem pretty satisfied in life, even if you’re not dating anyone,” Graham interjected evenly. “Although, I take some offense to that. I was fine before I met Merida.” He winced, once five skeptical glares were leveled at him. “All right, never mind.”

David quickly met his gaze, and Killian’s stomach twisted; this  _ was _ the perfect opening. And although David had been clear that they could keep waiting … well, even if things hadn’t initially gone well with Liam, that wasn’t cause to stay in the closet forever.

He cleared his throat. “Actually, I’ve been seeing someone.”

“You have?” Graham asked.

“Yeah.”

“Is it serious?” Kris asked.

“How long?” Jeff asked.

“Well, spit it out, man,” Arthur prodded.

His heart pounded. “Uh, well … I don’t want to make any of you uncomfortable …” Bloody hell, this was even harder than telling Liam had been! What had they been thinking, choosing to tell all four of their friends at the same time? And in person?

David stood up and walked over to him, placing his hand on his shoulder. “ _ We _ don’t want to make any of you uncomfortable,” he corrected, voice unwavering.

“Goddamnit,” Jeff said. “Okay, who won?”

“What?” Killian asked.

“We had a pool going,” Graham said gently. “And I believe Kris is the lucky winner.”

“I still maintain that he had an unfair advantage,” Arthur said glumly, pulling out his billfold.

“You all knew?” David asked.

“Neither one of you was very subtle,” Jeff pointed out. “Making eyes at each other, lingering touches, and so on.” He grimaced as he pulled a few bills from his wallet. “Take it before I change my mind,” he said to Kris, who happily obliged.

“What advantage?” Killian asked. This was not going at all how he expected it possibly could. He’d hoped for acceptance, feared disgust and rejection, but … what was happening?

“I’ve known David the longest,” Kris explained. “So I knew he’d dated guys before. But I don’t think that it was that much of an advantage. I mean, Arthur, you know Killian better than the rest of us do, but no one’s accusing  _ you _ of having an unfair advantage.” Arthur just shrugged before handing over what he owed.

“So, this isn’t a problem, is it?” Killian asked. David’s grip on his shoulder tightened. “As we said, we don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable …”

“Honestly, I think we’ll all be more comfortable if we don’t have to keep pretending we have no idea you’re together,” Graham said.

“And if we’re temporarily weirded out, then we’ll get over it,” Kris added. “Now, I believe someone was having a very important discussion about football that I rudely interrupted.”

And if anyone seemed bothered by David’s arm around Killian’s shoulder, or his hand in his, or any of the small, casual references they made to their relationship, it didn’t show.

* * *

“How are you not more nervous?” David asked, straightening his already straight tie for the tenth time.

“Honestly? I don’t know,” Killian replied. And he  _ didn’t _ know. By all accounts, he should be terrified, given the stakes tonight. But with Liam being supportive and all of their friends treating their relationship as a perfectly normal thing, he was feeling confident.

And besides, there was always Human Resources if things went south. The law firm almost certainly wouldn’t want to deal with a lawyer suing them if he were to be fired for bringing his boyfriend to the company holiday party.

“Killian!” It was Leo Blanchard. “Glad you could make it! You’re looking quite sharp.”

“Leo, great to see you.” He shook his hand firmly. “How’s the party so far?”

Leo chuckled. “Same as it is every year. Enjoyable, certainly, but I’m sure it’ll lose its shine in an hour or so.” His eyes lighted on David. “And who’s this?”

Killian took a deep breath and schooled his features as best he could. “Ah, this is my boyfriend, David Nolan. David, this is Leo Blanchard, one of the senior partners.” He said it as though it were the most normal thing in the world.

Because as far as he was concerned, it was.

Leo’s brow furrowed momentarily, but then he smiled politely and stuck out his hand to shake David’s. “It’s great to meet you, David.”

“You, too.” The nervous waver in David’s voice was nearly imperceptible, but Killian was all too familiar with his beloved to miss it. “Great party.”

“It is. So, what do you do, David?”

“I’m a veterinarian.”

“Oh!” The awkwardness melted away. “You know, actually, I’ve been meaning to ask my vet a question about my dog.” And a different kind of awkwardness settled in; Killian knew how much David loathed having strangers ask him for medical advice regarding their pets.

As Leo bombarded David with questions, Killian slipped away to the bar to grab a couple of drinks. “Killian?”

It was Regina Mills, a fellow associate and daughter of another senior partner. “Good evening, Regina. How are you?” Strangely enough, she looked anxious, and he frowned. “Is something wrong? Is your mother at it again?”

She rolled her eyes. “No—not yet at least. And be careful! You  _ know _ she manages to hear everything.”

“Too true. But what’s the matter?”

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

He let her pull him off into a corner of the room. Hopefully the conversation would be brief; he was sure David would be politely exiting his conversation as quickly as possible, and he didn’t want him to be stranded among strangers for long. “Regina, what’s going on?”

She nervously picked at the cocktail napkin she had wrapped around the stem of her wine glass. “The guy who came with you.”

He swallowed anxiously. “Aye, what about him?”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

He sighed. “Yes, he is. Look, I know it might come as a bit of a shock, but I’ll be damned if—”

“No, no!” she said, with convincing horror. “No, that’s—” She sighed angrily. “Clearly, I went about this all wrong.”

“I’m not sure what you getting at.”

“I just—sorry, I need to make a phone call. I just needed to know.”

“Regina—”

“It’s not about you,” she said, as though that explained anything, before she hurried away.

“What was that about?” David was by his side.

“I’m honestly not sure,” he admitted. “Anyway, how was work?”

He laughed. “Hey, it’s an easy way to get over the whole, ‘Oh wow, Killian Jones has a boyfriend’ awkwardness. If dispensing veterinary advice every so often is the price I pay to make sure you keep your job, then it’s fine.”

He rolled his eyes. “David, in our state, it’s illegal to fire someone on the basis of sexual orientation. I would know; I’m a lawyer.”

“Still.”

About an hour into the party, as Leo had predicted, the pace slowed down a bit. Introducing David around had gone well enough, with the only mildly negative reaction being from Cora Mills, Regina’s mother. But somehow, she seemed more irritated with Regina than uncomfortable with Killian’s newly revealed sexuality; she was actually polite enough to David. If Killian hadn’t known his boss better, he might not have even known she was annoyed.

Regina, meanwhile, was clearly on edge. She was also very polite to David, but she seemed preoccupied while they talked. He’d never expected her of all people to react so poorly. But then again, what was it that she had said to him earlier?

It was only after the fifth or so time she walked away, eyes averted, that he followed her, leaving David to the mercy of yet another lawyer inappropriately asking for veterinary advice.

“What on earth is going on with you?” He tried to keep his tone more concerned than demanding, but it ended up being more the latter than the former. “Your mother would be one thing, but I never thought you would have such a problem with this.”

She let out an exasperated sound that clashed mightily with her otherwise mature and classy appearance. “I don’t, okay? I don’t!”

“Then why can’t you act like you don’t?”

“This isn’t about you, Jones.”

“Aye, you said.” He grabbed her arm gently before she could flee. “Regina, what’s wrong?”

“I’m gay, okay?” she hissed, shaking off his hand.

He blinked, trying to process what she’d just said. “You—what?”

“There, I said it.” She threw her hands up in defeat. “I said it!”

He had to keep from letting his initial reactions slip past his lips. Regina Mills, legendary man eater, gay? Regina Mills, whose reputation in court was how easily she could wrap any man around her little finger, gay? Regina Mills, who flirted with him mercilessly when she wanted something from him, gay?

But then again, how had he felt when he’d first come out to Liam? Being told he just didn’t seem the type had not exactly gone over well.

He wasn’t sure how to respond to her admission, though. With congratulations? With feigned indifference, as though the confession weren’t monumental? That seemed disingenuous, especially since he knew just how it felt to tell someone about his sexuality—though perhaps not in such explosive a manner.

“Thank you for telling me,” was what he finally settled on. It seemed the best course of action, although at the same time laughably insufficient.

“Whatever,” she mumbled, her face entirely red.

“I’m serious. I thought you were judging me.”

“The only person I’m judging here is myself.” They were briefly interrupted by a server carrying champagne, and they each grabbed a glass. “I’m not ashamed of who I am, and yet here I am, locked in the closet anyway.”

“I’ve been with David for a year,” he pointed out. “In love with him for even longer. And it wasn’t until tonight that I’ve finally come out at work.”

She scoffed. “That doesn’t actually help. I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years.”

“Three y—how the bloody hell have you managed to keep this a secret for so long?”

“I’m sorry, did you not notice my mother’s reaction to your relationship?”

“Ah, true.”

She shook her head, lips pursed. “She just … I know she just wants me to be successful, and part of how I’ve achieved that is by acting like …”

“A ball-busting bitch?”

She snorted. “I was going to say femdom dominatrix, but sure.”

“Does she know?”

“She does. If I have to be closeted professionally, so be it, but you can be damn sure that I’m not going to call my girlfriend my ‘friend’ or ‘gal pal’ when I bring her to Thanksgiving every year.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

He shrugged. “That you feel as though you can’t come out professionally.”

“Oh, well … I suppose there are worse things than maintaining a reputation that makes me successful.”

“I suppose.”

“There you are.” It was David, with what appeared to be nearly three fingers of bourbon, and a strained expression to go along with it. “Couldn’t find you for a bit.”

“You certainly found the bar,” Regina commented drily.

“Bloody hell, I’m sorry.” In his haste to confront Regina, he’d forgotten that this event was just as stressful for David as it was for him, if not more so. Having to make polite small talk with your boyfriend’s colleagues whom you did not know while being pestered for free medical advice was challenging enough on its own; when your attendance was also your boyfriend’s way of coming out at work, it became inordinately onerous. “Are you all right?”

“I am now.” It wasn’t a romantic reply; he held up his drink to demonstrate before taking a swig.

“Perhaps we should call it a night.”

“Nah, I’m fine.”

“You’re clearly not.”

“I’m going to have to agree with your boyfriend,” Regina interjected, although her tone wasn’t terribly sharp. “It’s a lot to be around these people when they’re  _ not _ unusually interested in you.”

“Yeah, if I have to answer one more question about Fido’s strange ear lump, I might start insisting people get out their checkbooks,” David admitted sheepishly.

“Come, it’s late enough that our exit won’t seem strange,” Killian said, rubbing his shoulder affectionately. “Regina, I’ll see you on Monday?”

“See you then, Jones.”

As they walked towards the exit, David downed his drink in a couple of gulps before asking, “What were you guys talking about?”

There were too many people in earshot. “I’ll tell you in the cab.”

“Is everything okay?”

Killian couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

* * *

By the time David got home, it was relatively late in the evening. “Paperwork?” Killian asked as he stared at his computer screen.

“Yeah, even with the switch to electronic records, it’s still taking forever. Did you already eat?”

“Not yet—I thought we might order out.”

“Sounds good to me. How was your day?”

“It was … good.”

“Uh oh. I know  _ that _ tone.”

Killian chuckled. “No, it was good. Just interesting.”

“What happened?”

“Regina brought her girlfriend in to meet everyone.”

David paused halfway through taking off his shoes. “Wait, she did what?”

“She brought in her girlfriend. Introduced her to everyone in the office.”

“But after the holiday party, you said she was trying to maintain her reputation, and that’s why she wasn’t out.”

“That’s what she told me. But I suppose she had a change of heart in the past few months. Some things matter more than reputations.” The comment made David grin. “Speaking of, I had a question for you.”

“Go for it.”

“It’s rather … stupid.”

“I love stupid questions.”

“No, I mean—” He sighed. “It’s inconsequential. I don’t know why it even matters to me.”

“Hey, come on.” David sat next to him on the couch and draped his arm over his shoulders. “What’s going on?”

Killian blushed as he gestured at his screen. “I was wondering if it might be okay to change my relationship status on Facebook.” There was no reply, and he blushed harder. “Look, love, I know it’s silly, and plenty of people in happy, committed relationships don’t even—”

“Killian, it’s more than okay.”

“You—are you sure?”

“Well, yeah. I just kind of assumed that you wouldn’t be up for it. Although I guess since that work party, that wasn’t a good assumption.”

“No, it’s understandable,” he reassured him. “I just didn’t want to change my status without asking because I know people will ask, and so I thought I might as well make it clear just  _ whom _ I’m in a relationship with.”

“I’m fine with that. And yes, before you ask, I  _ really _ mean that.” He grinned and pulled out his phone. “Go for it.”

A minute later, there it was. Facebook official and everything, as much as that meant: Killian Jones was in a relationship with David Nolan. Already the likes were pouring in.

“I suppose that’s it,” Killian commented.

“What you do mean?”

“Everyone knows,” he explained. “There’s no secret anymore—not from friends, family, or coworkers. And anyone who looks me up will see it, plain as day.”

“You’re done coming out,” David stated.

“As done as one can ever be.”

“Is that okay?”

Killian gazed at the face of his beloved before he could no longer suppress his grin. “More than okay, love. More than okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this last part! I'd love to know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the story, and I'd love to hear what you think!


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